Motivational Monday #17

Slap my wrists for I have been a terrible blogger - I haven't done a Motivational Monday blog post in a long time! But luckily for you I have a handful of topics I would like to write about, so hopefully I'll make up for it.

Ok, so this blog post is going to be about break ups. Eugh.

I know what you're all thinking, really? But this is something I feel needs to be discussed in a more casual, friendly manner. Plus, I don't feel like magazines articles or self-help websites cover in the correct way.

Don't pretend you haven't. We've all done it. We've all googled 'How to get over a break up' and every article, blog and book says something different, and ultimately they just tell you in the end that there is no 'quick fix' and you will 'just get over it'.

I'm not here to tell you anything different, because it literally is as simple as that. You will get over it one day. One day you'll just wake up and you'll feel less shitty than the day before.

No, this blog post is going to be about letting you know the natural things to do and feel during a break up, and to let you know that it's ok to do them all.

So, here goes nothing;

1) Crying. Crying a lot.

You will cry. You will cry a lot. For hours, days, weeks and maybe even months. You will wail, sob, tear up and one lonely tear will leave your eye at any given moment. This is normal. This is ok. You cry your bloody out! Whether you've been with someone for 2 minutes, 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years - break ups suck! Don't listen to anyone who tells you to stop crying, if you want to cry, then cry. This doesn't last forever, but it will last while so you may as well milk it for all you can. Watch girly films, look at pictures of cute puppies and kittens, read sad stories, do anything you want to justify why you want to cry, but just do it. Seriously, there's no point keeping it all in. Like the saying goes - better out than in!

2) Surround yourself with people you can trust.

You may be sat here thinking 'well, durh!' but believe me, this is an important one to mention. If you're like me you have many friends, from all over the board. From school, college, uni, work and people you've just kind of met randomly. Does this mean you can trust them all? No! Absolutely not!

It doesn't matter how many friends you have, there will only be a select few who you can trust with everything. These are the ones who will bring you up when you are down, listen and offer advice when needed. You do not need people who speak down to you or choose sides. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and will make your break up feel like swimming down river - effortless.

3) Question your life.

I don't mean you should question your life. 

You WILL question your life - it's just what you do. The amount of times I have questioned what I have done, even the small things - after every break up I have had, I change my hair - as if I feel like this will change everything (it doesn't). You're also allowed to do this. Tell people you're unhappy, tell people you want to do something different with your life, tell people you want to be single forever - do and say whatever it is to make this feel easier for you. In the end, you will realise that your life is absolutely fine the way it is, and nothing needs to change. If anything, letting go of this person who clearly wasn't right for you is all the change you need.

4) Miss them.

This happens too. Whether you know it was the right thing to do or there was no foreseeable future with them, or even you just didn't love them anymore. You will miss them. Again, you're allowed to do this. All the self-help articles tell you not to do this, and to get up and do something to take your mind of it, but this doesn't stop your brain from thinking or your feelings from, well, feeling. This just keeps you occupied enough to not miss them every single minute of every single day. However, it is important to realise that you missing them is not because you have made a mistake and you want them back. You miss them because your routine has been changed - we don't always adapt to change very well and we crave something we know well and are familiar with. Don't worry, this one sorts itself out too.

5) The world has ended.

It hasn't. End of.

6) Radical choices

Whether this is through shopping and spending all your money on new clothes to make you feel better about yourself, starting to get fit - exercising and eating better, changing your appearance (like I said before, mine was my hair), starting a new hobby, booking a holiday, etc... you will do at least one of these things, if not all of them. It is really easy to run away from what is happening right now, and doing something that we wouldn't normally do or what we think we should do. Go right ahead, be my guest. I have done pretty much all of the above and will do it every time I break up with someone! Do something radical, because it will make you feel better, if even for a split second.

7) Rationalise it

You will fight until the ends earth to rationalise why you did it. You will seek advice from your friends, rant and rave to them about how awful he/she was or how useless he/she was, how he/she wasn't the man/woman of your dreams etc... You will find every quote under the sun (like the ones in this blog post) and think to yourself 'YES! That is SO true! I better Instagram that for everyone to see how I am feeling and how over this break up I am' Yep, we all do it or have done it. This is ok too, you might feel like a bit of a tit afterwards, but it's still ok.

8) Look at your phone all the time to see if they have text.

They haven't. 

Don't you bloody text them either! Don't do it!

You will. No matter what anyone says. Especially when your drunk.

9) Rebound.

Yep, you will find a rebound guy/girl. You will meet someone on a night out, be introduced by mutual friends, or it will be the guy/girl you have secretly had a crush on for a long time. Whether you just have a cheeky kiss, or end up in bed together or not even doing anything with them, just thinking about them. They are the ones who for a moment make you forget about the ex and make you feel like a new woman again.

P.s. this never lasts. Do not get into a relationship with this person, they have served their purpose so leave them at the door.

10) You'll be ok.

You will. No matter how long it takes, or how you feel in the mean time. You will be ok. 

In fact, you'll be more than ok. 

You'll be yourself all over again. 

You'll learn from your previous relationship, to be better in your next.

You'll concentrate on your work/studying because you realise it actually is important.

You will spend a lot more time with your friends and family.

You will be bloody fantastic!

Never under estimate the healing powers of time! You will definitely wake up one morning, feel silly for all the 9 things above and will realise you are just human and that's ok!

Now go and live your life the way you want it to be, and one day the right person will come along and they will sweep you off your feet and you'll live happily ever after*

Hopeful

xxx

* Or you'll just repeat the 10 steps above - either way YOU'RE OK!